It Would Be Really Scary To Be Awake While I'm Dreaming

The generic looking parking outside of Big Ron's Yoga College. Late Early Afternoon, perhaps around 4; I would be willing to debate times up to around 4:07, but later than that is clearly preposterous. MILDRED is fidgeting from the sweat in her yoga pants. She is in her early twenties with prospects of become a traveling hippie. JOHN, a student about her age, enters stage left.

Mildred: Can you give me a ride?
John: Sorry?
Mildred: Sorry you can't?
John: No, sorry I didn't hear what you said.
Mildred: I said "Can you give me a ride?"
John: Isn't that kinda weird?
Mildred: I can't see why it would be.
John: I mean I have no idea who you are.
Mildred: So....?
John: I dunno that's just awkward.
Mildred: Well now it is...
John: Oh...sorry bout that.
Mildred: You know how you can make it up to me? You can give me a ride.
John: I dunno if I feel too comfortable doing that.
Mildred: Why not?
John: I mean you're not supposed to let strange people into your car.
Mildred: Oh I see. That makes sense. I mean I've often been told I look like a rapist.
John: You know what I meant.
Mildred: Actually I don't.
John: I mean, I don't know a thing about you.
Mildred: So...
John: I don't know a thing about you!
Mildred: Ok...I'm Mildred. I live in a vegan co-op near campus with my two cats peanut butter and bananas who are both coincidentally named after their favorites foods, the combination of which happens to be my favorite food. I've been living in "the Ville" for my entire life. My parents are both still happily married and happy that their baby has decided to stick around, unlike my siblings who rarely come home. Sabrina, my sister, lives in New York with her husband Ron who despises small towns and the middle class. My brother Rodney was in clown college before he dropped to join the C.I.A. and was relocated to a classified area for months now. We think hes lying. Lets see...I teach yoga for a living and generally get around on my bike, but unfortunately the tires got slashed while I was in class, so... here we are. Now can you give me a ride?
John: Ummm....
Mildred: Yes or no
John: I mean...
Mildred: You know what never mind.
John: What?
Mildred: I don't feel particularly comfortable getting into a car with you.
John: What?
Mildred: I mean I don't know a thing about you.
John: You know this isn't Looney Toons, I'm not gonna fall for something like that.
Mildred: Fall for what? Statistically speaking I'm more likely to get raped and murdered by you.
John: Seriously?
Mildred: I mean you don't seem the type, but then again they never do.
John: You can't be serious.
Mildred: I saw you checking out my ass when you were walking by earlier. I bet my buns look nice and firm in these yoga pants, I bet you'd like you get your hands on them.
John: ...you asked me for a ride.
Mildred: Maybe that's your game. Maybe while I was teaching Yoga you slashed my bike tires and then happened to be walking by knowing that I would need a ride.
John: ...but I said no. I mean doesn't that show I didn't want to give yo-
Mildred: Of course you'd do that! It establishes trust! You wanted me to think that you didn't want to give me a ride, so that when you finally did I would feel comfortable around you because initially you said no which means it was all my idea. You didn't want me questioning you later when you suggest we stop for a sandwich and then insist on picking up the check and buying me coffee; coffee that you laced with roofies!
John: What?
Mildred: And then you'd take my supple, flexible, yoga-toned body back to your trailer in the middle of Paynes Prairie and have your way with me. You'd push and pull me in every which way manipulating my body to your will. You get off on power don't you? You get off on feeling in control? Lemme guess: your mama didn't give you enough cookies when you were younger? I bet you keep a picture of her by your bed so you can remember what she looks like while you do your awful, inhuman things.
John: What?!
Mildred: And then you'd bound me up in leather straps just waiting for me to regain consciousness, so that I could watch as you slowly take me apart with your assortment of knives. You monster! You Beast! You-
John: YOU ASKED ME FOR A RIDE!
(MILDRED grabs JOHN by the waist and kisses him deeply on the mouth. JOHN, dumbstruck, cannot fathom what to do. After she breaks the kiss there is a moment of silence where JOHN looks baffled; MILDRED has a huge smile across her face)
Mildred: Now how about that ride?
John: Um...Sure...Whatever
Mildred: Great! Just let me grab my things.
(MILDRED grabs her purse and yoga mat, which were left by the spot she standing in at the opening of the scene)
Mildred: You know what'd be great right now? A sandwich. You wanna get sandwiches? I know this great little vegan place on 13th.
John: Um...Sure...Whatever.
Mildred: Great I'm starved.
(They begin to walk off stage. JOHN is still dumbfounded, but the initial shock has worn off)
John: Hey wait- what about your bike?
Mildred: What?
John: Don't you wanna take it home so that you can get it repaired?
Mildred: What?
John: Your bike...you know with the slashed tires...
(MILDRED thinks for a second and then bursts out laughing)
John: What?
Mildred: (still laughing) I haven't ridden a bike since I was 7.
(MILDRED grabs JOHN by the waist leading him off stage through a gradual blackout. She continues boisterously laughing the whole way off)